A Repeat.

It seems our life with deployments seem to repeat at the exact same times.

His last deployment to Afghanistan we traveled to Fort Bragg about this same time.

It was Easter weekend.

Jerome and I did our Easter basket shopping at the PX on base while Gran stayed with the kids at the hotel.

The kids opened their Easter baskets, dressed in Jerome's Army t-shirts, in a hotel on base Easter morning.

Spencer was eight, Natalie five and Katie four.

I just think it is funny how this deployment is repeating itself.

Just as long as it doesn't repeat the length of time he was gone away from home last time.


In several hours, after I get in bed and get some sleep, I will be waking up to the first holiday I will have to do alone without him here.

We will be going to my parent's church, everyone dressed in their Easter best, sitting in a church full of families with daddies and husbands who are there with there family.

I almost don't want to go.....only because I don't want to see all the families enjoying their Easter Sunday together, I don't want to sit in church and feel the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that creeps in when being surrounded by happy families who have their husbands there, their daddies there for their kids. It is a very lonely feeling.

But I know I need to. I know my mother is looking forward to having her family together in church and for Easter dinner at her house afterwards. I know our kids will enjoy playing with their cousins and searching for Easter eggs. I know that I just have to make the best of it....because that is all that I can do.

Learning To Let Go....Again.

Jerome knew that I was upset about having to say our goodbyes on Sunday night, our 17th wedding anniversary.

He stayed.

And that was the best thing I could have ever been given...just a little more time.

Sunday night as he tucked each of our three kids in bed he hugged them tight, wiped their tears and comforted them with a promise to be back home safe with them soon.

After tucking them in bed he had to put his helmet together. They were issued new uniforms Friday and he hadn't put his helmet together yet. I was sad watching him fold the fabric over, all the things that go inside for protection. Watching him put the straps on, trying it on and readjusting the straps and then trying it on again.

At first I kept myself busy by getting our stuff all packed up. We would be taking him to the base in the early morning and then later that day getting on the road.

But I kept watching him put his helmet together.

It was upsetting me and he looked at me and said with a smile, "No crying yet".



We woke up very early Monday morning to get him to the base on time. They were headed to the range that day.

I kept the kids in their pajamas. We stopped in the dining area of the hotel for him to get some breakfast to take with him and some coffee. The news was on, specifically the weather....even MORE specifically the threat of a storm with tornadoes headed right in our direction.

I was scared. I knew I had to travel home but didn't want to get caught in a storm. At that point I was ahead of it if I could get on the road in the next few hours.

We went outside and the cold morning air greeted our sleepy faces.

The drive there was quiet.

He held my hand like he always does. A few times squeezing it, looking at me and reminding me....no crying yet.

Our kids were quiet in the backseat.

We were quiet.

I wanted to talk but held it in for fear that the lump in my throat would escape and I would break down and start crying.

He broke the silence by talking about wanting us to be safe traveling home. He wanted to make sure we were ahead of the storm.

We went through security one last time. The sky was dark as midnight still.

Then we made our way through the base. Looking all around there were troops in their Army greens preparing for their day. There were convoys loading up. There were soldiers doing their morning runs. Everywhere we looked there was something.

He gave each of our kids a hug and kiss, reassured them he would be fine.

Then we stood together. I felt his arms around me as he gave me a goodbye kiss. He told me he loved me and to not worry about him. We kissed again, said our goodbyes and then he headed to the place he needed to be.

I watched him walk away....his new Army green uniform, backpack on his back....I knew this was going to be the last time I would see him until he returns home.

I watched him walk away until I couldn't see him anymore.

I climbed in the drivers seat, the place he was just at a few minutes ago. I took a deep breath and knew that I could cry now. I looked down and there sat his coffee cup he had left. Then Spencer, who was now sitting in the passenger seat, got upset and was telling me how much he misses his dad when he is gone. The girls started crying. I WANTED TO CRY. But I couldn't. I comforted them, reassured them, promised them and all the while I just wanted to rest my head on the steering wheel and just let it all out and cry until it didn't hurt anymore.

But I didn't, I knew I had three kids to comfort and there was a big storm heading right in our path and I needed get ahead of it.

I kept myself busy. I drove to the hotel, and loaded our suitcases up and checked out of the hotel. We ate breakfast there before we left.....I rushed the kids through it because the weather forcast was not looking good.

We made our way home safely. It took us two days of driving....but we made it home......just me and our three kids.

Fort Polk, day five

DAY FIVE
Sunday we took our kids to the lake, Alligator Lake, to ride boats.

We packed a lunch, put our swim suits on and headed to the lake.

We had lunch first.



Spencer decided he didn't want to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so he fixed himself an MRE....don't you just love the way Katie is looking at him eating it in this picture?



Then Katie decided to try an MRE for herself.....I don't know what it is with my kids and peanut butter and jelly.....



Yeah.....I don't think she cared to much for the MRE....I tried to tell her that her PB&J would be much better....



We went out on the lake....I left my camera tucked safely in the car.

The girls fell asleep when we left the lake and were on our way back to the hotel.

That is the twizzlers from the MRE in Katie's hand....I think the only thing she enjoyed from it...



We decided to surprise the kids and stop for ice cream on our way back.

Spencer said to me, "Hey mom, get your camera ready and watch this!".



He yelled to Katie, who was SOUND ASLEEP...."KATIE!! THERE IS A GATOR IN THE BOAT!!"



We all got a good laugh from that one!

They all picked out their ice cream cones.





We went back to the hotel after stopping for ice cream. The kids went swimming in the hotel pool while Jerome and I got ready for our anniversary date.

We ordered the kids pizza and gave them strict instructions.

Then Jerome and I went to a nice Italian restaraunt across the street for our 17th anninversary date.

I was really happy to be able to spend this day with him, one less holiday that we will have to spend apart.

We had a wonderful evening together and our kids were happy we brought back a large slice of chocolate cake from the restaraunt for them.

Fort Polk, day three and four.

DAY THREE

Friday morning Jerome was still at the base and was going to be busy there for several hours. There really wasn't much to do around the base so we decided to spend the day in Alexandria, until Jerome was free to go.

We went to the mall. Spencer picked out a new pair of swim trunks and the girls a bikini. We had lunch and then headed back to Leesville.

We picked Jerome up and then headed to the hotel so he could shower.

We went to dinner, a place Jerome told us about. The kids were all wanting to try crawfish and alligator, so we went to Catfish Junction.




After placing our order about twenty minutes later our waiter came out to let us know that they had run out of crawfish. The kids were disappointed but Jerome promised them he would make sure that he got them crawfish from Louisianna before they left.

We went back to the hotel, put our pajamas on and Spencer and Jerome started doing what they always do.....wrestling.




I know this is one of the things our kids, especially Spencer, one thing that they really miss when Jerome is gone.

DAY FOUR.

Saturday we slept in, had breakfast at the hotel and went swimming.

We had lunch at a local Mexican restaraunt there by the base.













Then we had to go to the base, Jerome had to pick up some things he needed from his room.

He drove around showing our kids different places he had been for training and what he had done.




Since it was a room full of men, the girls and I stayed outside.

Natalie and Katie entertained themselves while we waited by playing more hand games.




We stopped at Alligator Lake and let the kids play on the playground (there REALLY isn't a lot to do around the base).




At first Spencer was sitting with Jerome and I asking us how much longer we had to be here and that he was bored. I guess he gave up on being bored and decided to join Natalie and Katie.




They were all LOVING Jerome pushing them on this spinning thing.

Then it was Jerome's turn...they warned him it would make him dizzy.




Jerome had to sit down when they were finished with him.

Then the kids convinced me to try it out. They weren't kidding about it making you dizzy. I love how Jerome is laughing at me (I was barely standing at this point).




Then later on our way back to our hotel we stopped at a place called Mud Bugs and Jerome picked up some crawfish. We went back to the hotel and Jerome taught them how to peel and eat crawfish.







Katie wouldn't eat it at first but ten minutes later she was sitting at the table with Jerome and Spencer eating the crawfish. I tried one, it was good....but Jerome peeled it for me.

Katie picked out a few and called them her "family" and gave strict instructions that no one was to eat her family of crawfish.

When they were at the end of the bucket of crawfish, Jerome looked at Katie and said, "You know you are about to lose your family". Katie laughed and shared the rest of her crawfish with her Daddy.

Then we went swimming in the pool and later climbed into bed.

Simple things.

I didn't pick up my camera today.

I wish I would have.

There were so many simple things that I enjoyed.

This morning I met a goal I've been working towards.

This afternoon I found inspiration when I needed it most.

This evening I lit the charcoals on our grill and fixed a delicious dinner.

Jerome is the one who always does the grilling....he is a great cook on the grill. I knew I would miss him being here when I lit the grill, but I decided we have a long summer ahead and there is nothing better than the taste of homemade food from the grill.

A strong storm hit just after I lit the coals in the grill. I opened the windows and let the fresh air in our home. When the rain stopped I went outside to put our dinner on the grill and the smell of the fresh spring air after a good rainstorm was wonderful.

I enjoyed watching the kids nibble away at their fresh ears of corn at the dinner table.

This evening after dinner was all cleaned up, I enjoyed watching Natalie and Katie playing with their bicycles and jump rope as I sat on the porch and read another chapter in my book (God Strong, a book about finding the strength to make it through a deployment).

Tonight I rocked Katie on the front porch as she cried. One of her friends she has gone to school with since kindergarten is changing schools and she was upset. I told her about how one of my childhood friends I had when I was her age moved away too. And how I always enjoyed going over to her house to play in her treehouse. I told her that that is just something that happens in life sometimes. Then a song came to my mind but for the life of me I can't remember the name of it. It is an older song, one about a little girl watching her friend waving from the backseat as they move away, then her mother telling her that that is just a part of life. I wish I could remember the name of that song.

Tonight I was happy that I was able to get the girls in bed almost on time (we are still working on that one).

Tonight I felt blessed when I gave the girls a goodnight kiss on their heads, their hair still wet from their shower, and sound asleep in bed.

Tonight I was happy to see Spencer cleaning his room, on his own without being asked. He is bored I am guessing. I took him to the doctor today and he is sick and won't be back in school until Friday. He made me laugh because he was happy as I told him he could stay up and watch a little TV but to keep his door closed so he didn't wake his sisters.

Tonight I am happy to hear the quiet through the house as they all sleep and I have a minute or two to my own.

Tonight I am also happy to be able to climb into bed before midnight.

Tonight I wish I could have been able to talk to my husband today. But I can go to bed knowing that he is still here in this country and know that I can close my eyes and go to sleep knowing he is safe from harm.

These are the simple things in life I enjoy.

Fort Polk, day one and two.

DAY ONE

Early Wednesday morning we started our long trip to Fort Polk.

We had over 1,100 miles to travel but the thought of all of us being together as a family again, even if just for a few days, made the trip all the more exciting.

Natalie took a lot of pictures on my camera, and I'm thankful that she did.











They all three brought along their books to read, homework to do (we took three days of military leave from school), Ipods to listen to, DVD player, pillows and a blankets.....they were ready for the drive.






Katie was the only one who brought her DVD player. It had a battery life that lasted three hours, after that three hours she fell asleep and slept for a few more hours.






The first day of driving was a long day.

I kept driving until I knew I had to stop for the night. I managed to get eleven hours of driving in.

We checked in a hotel not far from Jackson, Mississippi.

By the time we all had our showers, brushed our teeth and put our pajamas on, it felt so good to climb into bed, stretch out and get some sleep.

DAY TWO

I slept until 8am Thursday morning. I had done most of the driving Wednesday and knew I would be able to make it to the base to meet Jerome when he was able to leave.

We ate our breakfast, packed up our suitcases and reloaded ourselves into the car.

Then we were on the road again.

This time, knowing we didn't have as long of a drive to go and that at the end of the day we would all get to see Jerome.....we were all really excited.






We made it through an awful hail storm that only lasted about 5 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. The sky was beautiful, the weather was beautiful.....I couldn't have asked for better traveling weather to drive in....minus the hail storm.

Spencer was the official window cleaner.

Every time we stopped to fill up the Escape on gas, I filled up while he cleaned the windows.

Spencer took this picture with my cell phone as we crossed the Mississippi River....

We made it to Louisianna finally and the driving was completely different to what we had had for the past thirteen hours.

We drove through miles and miles and miles of farm land.

It was very flat, you could see the sky and the land go for miles and miles.....not like the mountains we are used to.

It was very pretty, I kept watch of the gas tank, making sure we had plenty of gas to get us where we were going. There was one long stretch of road that seemed to go on forever. The gas tank was down to a fourth of a tank and there was nothing but farmland as far as you could see. I was beginning to worry that we were going to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere.

Finally we came to a little country gas station along the road. I was very relieved.

We all got out to stretch our legs. I filled the tank up while Spencer cleaned the windows. Then we all went inside to grab a snack. It was hot out so they all three picked Choco Tacos ice cream to eat.









Natalie and Katie were loving having the wind blow their hair all around and having some fresh air. They played hand games in the backseat while I drove. It made me happy listening to them.....it reminded me of when I was younger and doing the same hand games with my sisters.





We passed a fresh Pecan and Praline shop. The kids all begged to turn around and go back. It was just a little country store alongside the road.

We bought two pecan pies, a large bag of fresh pecans, and a bag of sugared pecans and pralines. I knew Jerome and his fellow Chiefs in his room might enjoy a fresh pecan pie and I also knew my mom would love to have one too. I'm freezing the pecans and saving them for Thanksgiving this year.

The elderly woman in the shop was asking where we were from and the kids all happily told her where we were from and why we were traveling to Louisianna. She then told them, "Well, as my Mama would always tell me.....you are on the last leg of your trip here".

Once we got to Alexandria, LA I knew we didn't have that much further to drive.

We passed an older man, a farmer, along the road who had a stand set up selling fresh strawberries. I knew Jerome didn't get much fresh berries and knew that he would love the strawberries. I bought a whole flat of strawberries....I knew they would happily be eaten.

We stopped for lunch in Alexandria and then made our way to Fort Polk. I had planned on checking in our hotel, getting a shower and meeting Jerome looking not as "wind blown hair, driving for hours" look as we did.

As it turned out his convoy was heading into base right as we were headed into town. He called and wanted us to just meet him there. He wanted our kids to be able to see everything, the convoy and it's troops coming back from a long day at the range.

I made it to Leesville and the sight of all the yellow ribbons tied on all the trees in town was a beautiful sight to see.





I have never seen so many trees with so many yellow ribbons.

It was just beautiful.

We made it to Fort Polk and saw the convoy Jerome was with as we pulled in. He told us where he was and that we had to stay in the car and he would come to get us when he was finished.

We were all looking for him. Finally we found him among all the soldiers and convoy trucks.









Once we was finished he came to get us. We all had lots of hugs and kisses for him.

Then he took us to the MRAP that he drives and took the kids into it to show them where he rides and some of the things that he does.





























We all left the base. We went to the hotel, we all took showers and got cleaned up and then went to dinner.

Jerome had to be back at the base that night. He wasn't free to stay with us at the hotel until Friday.

It felt so good to feel like a family again.

To feel home again.

No matter where we are in this world, being together just feels like home.

141. the feeling of being all packed up and starting out on a long journey in the early morning.

142. sleepy kids in the backseat

143. my helper, the navigator, Spencer, who sat up front with me the whole time

144. crossing the Mississippi River and knowing we are closer to Fort Polk with every mile

145. driving through all the farm land in Louisiana will make you thankful for a little gas station alongside the road after miles and miles and farmland

146. the warmth of the sunshine in the South

147. watching the kids enjoy an ice cream from that tiny gas station

148. being asked where we are from, because of our "Northern" accent 

149. glancing over to see Spencer enjoying reading a book during the drive

150. long hair blowing in the wind

151. the sound of the girls hands clapping and rhyming games behind me

152. remembering playing the same games with my sisters

153. arriving in the town near Fort Polk and seeing all of the yellow ribbons

154. the feeling that swells up inside that comes from these yellow ribbons

155. looking at a convoy and trying to find my husband in the middle of it

156. seeing him for the first time

157. the sound of our kids voices yelling "Daddy" out the window

158. being a family again

(I love the words and music in this video below)