I never knew how important time was until I started counting down the days.
You realize just how quickly it slips through your fingers.
How quickly the moments flash by you, one after the other.
And in each moment wanting to just stop time, right there where it is so that you don't have to face the unbearing truth of knowing that the time to say goodbye once again is coming.
I've tried tucking it away, the knowing that these next few months are going to go by so quickly. I've tried not thinking about it. Not letting myself remember the heartache and worry that sets in the very moment you let time start moving again.
But like all things, I guess it catches up with you.
Tonight it has caught up with me.
He is in Williamsburg, VA right now training. He has been gone four days. Four days and I am missing him terribly. And with that missing him the heartache and worry has set in. The thought that keeps going through my mind, "this is it. this is how it was, lonely, a quiet house at night" the realization that I am and will be all alone all to soon.
I can't stand it. I don't want it. I don't want to feel this heartache again. This feeling of emptiness and being alone to face whatever life brings at me while he is gone. I am not ready.