Last week was one I am glad to put behind me.
Our kids have been struggling with knowing Jerome is going to be deploying.
Spencer hasn't been sleeping well at night. He told me the other day, "I can't sleep at night mom. I just lay there and can't get dad leaving off of my mind. I am upset he has to go."
We talked a little bit about it. I reminded him that his dad doesn't leave for at least six more months. I told him his dad reminded me the other night that he doesn't want us to be sad now, he wants us to just enjoy every day together.
He said, "I know mom, but it still hurts."
I told him I know and that I understand how he is feeling. Truth be known I feel the same.
The week before that Spencer was making things to hang on his wall in his bedroom. I noticed a paper with numbers, somewhat of a countdown. I didn't say anything to him, I've found that sometimes it is better to just let them come to you.
Later that evening he asked me to come look at what he had hung up on his wall.
He was happy and excited to show me.
My eyes first wondered to the paper with numbers, "What's this?" I asked him. He didn't say anything....but I knew what it was.
Then I looked up above that paper and read what he had wrote on another paper and hung on his wall.
The paper said, "With great power, comes great responsibility".
"That's from Spiderman, right?" I asked him.
He was silent.
I knew without turning around to look at him that something was wrong....I could just feel it.
I turned around, his face was flushed and he was holding back what looked like the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Then the words of that quote rang in my head. And I realized what he was thinking, or somewhat feeling.
"Do you feel like you are responsible for us when your dad is away?" I asked him.
He broke down crying and said, "Yes. Everyone keeps saying I'll be the man of the house when he leaves."
My heart broke into a million pieces for him. I gave him a hug, he cried on my shoulder. And I told him that that is just something people say. I told him the only responsibility he has is to concentrate on his academics, work hard on football and keep up with his stuff here at home, nothing that isn't expected of him when his dad is here. About that time Jerome came home from work, heard us talking back in Spencer's room and came back there with us.
Jerome sat down on his bed with him and asked him what was bothering him. The three of us had a long talk. We did a lot of reassuring Spencer that everything was going to be OK, that he needs not to worry about all of this right now and that his dad is there for him to talk to, even when he is deployed.....he reminded him that we will still be able to communicate with each other when he is deployed.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Saturday we spent the day with Jerome at a military family day.
They all packed their swim suits and were ready for a day of fun.
This is my very favorite picture from the day.
Katie has always loved her Daddy throwing her up in the air to splash in the pool water, even before she was even two years old. She has always been our "water baby" (what we've always called her because of her love for the water).
I think this picture says it all.
How much she loves her Daddy and just how much she loves that he can still pick her up and throw her in the water.
Natalie had her fair share of getting picked up and tossed by her Daddy in the pool too.
Spencer was there too, he just has a way of disappearing when I turn the camera to him.
This is what I have of him......
I am trying to make sure to capture as many moments of us with Jerome as I can.
I know next year when the summer is getting long, and the deployment feels like it will never end, we can look back and remember these hot summer days with him.
Splashing in the pool and being together as a family.
Natalie and Katie were saying "HELLO" underwater.
We all had a fun day Saturday.
I'm looking forward to more Saturday's spent together as a family.
I know I haven't been writing a lot lately. I think we are still learning to adjust to knowing he is deploying again. I have many more things to write, but for now I just don't want to talk or write about the deployment. Right now it seems easier to just keep it far away from thought and just not think about it. I want to enjoy each and every moment we have together as a family.