Fort Polk, day one and two.

DAY ONE

Early Wednesday morning we started our long trip to Fort Polk.

We had over 1,100 miles to travel but the thought of all of us being together as a family again, even if just for a few days, made the trip all the more exciting.

Natalie took a lot of pictures on my camera, and I'm thankful that she did.











They all three brought along their books to read, homework to do (we took three days of military leave from school), Ipods to listen to, DVD player, pillows and a blankets.....they were ready for the drive.






Katie was the only one who brought her DVD player. It had a battery life that lasted three hours, after that three hours she fell asleep and slept for a few more hours.






The first day of driving was a long day.

I kept driving until I knew I had to stop for the night. I managed to get eleven hours of driving in.

We checked in a hotel not far from Jackson, Mississippi.

By the time we all had our showers, brushed our teeth and put our pajamas on, it felt so good to climb into bed, stretch out and get some sleep.

DAY TWO

I slept until 8am Thursday morning. I had done most of the driving Wednesday and knew I would be able to make it to the base to meet Jerome when he was able to leave.

We ate our breakfast, packed up our suitcases and reloaded ourselves into the car.

Then we were on the road again.

This time, knowing we didn't have as long of a drive to go and that at the end of the day we would all get to see Jerome.....we were all really excited.






We made it through an awful hail storm that only lasted about 5 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. The sky was beautiful, the weather was beautiful.....I couldn't have asked for better traveling weather to drive in....minus the hail storm.

Spencer was the official window cleaner.

Every time we stopped to fill up the Escape on gas, I filled up while he cleaned the windows.

Spencer took this picture with my cell phone as we crossed the Mississippi River....

We made it to Louisianna finally and the driving was completely different to what we had had for the past thirteen hours.

We drove through miles and miles and miles of farm land.

It was very flat, you could see the sky and the land go for miles and miles.....not like the mountains we are used to.

It was very pretty, I kept watch of the gas tank, making sure we had plenty of gas to get us where we were going. There was one long stretch of road that seemed to go on forever. The gas tank was down to a fourth of a tank and there was nothing but farmland as far as you could see. I was beginning to worry that we were going to run out of gas in the middle of nowhere.

Finally we came to a little country gas station along the road. I was very relieved.

We all got out to stretch our legs. I filled the tank up while Spencer cleaned the windows. Then we all went inside to grab a snack. It was hot out so they all three picked Choco Tacos ice cream to eat.









Natalie and Katie were loving having the wind blow their hair all around and having some fresh air. They played hand games in the backseat while I drove. It made me happy listening to them.....it reminded me of when I was younger and doing the same hand games with my sisters.





We passed a fresh Pecan and Praline shop. The kids all begged to turn around and go back. It was just a little country store alongside the road.

We bought two pecan pies, a large bag of fresh pecans, and a bag of sugared pecans and pralines. I knew Jerome and his fellow Chiefs in his room might enjoy a fresh pecan pie and I also knew my mom would love to have one too. I'm freezing the pecans and saving them for Thanksgiving this year.

The elderly woman in the shop was asking where we were from and the kids all happily told her where we were from and why we were traveling to Louisianna. She then told them, "Well, as my Mama would always tell me.....you are on the last leg of your trip here".

Once we got to Alexandria, LA I knew we didn't have that much further to drive.

We passed an older man, a farmer, along the road who had a stand set up selling fresh strawberries. I knew Jerome didn't get much fresh berries and knew that he would love the strawberries. I bought a whole flat of strawberries....I knew they would happily be eaten.

We stopped for lunch in Alexandria and then made our way to Fort Polk. I had planned on checking in our hotel, getting a shower and meeting Jerome looking not as "wind blown hair, driving for hours" look as we did.

As it turned out his convoy was heading into base right as we were headed into town. He called and wanted us to just meet him there. He wanted our kids to be able to see everything, the convoy and it's troops coming back from a long day at the range.

I made it to Leesville and the sight of all the yellow ribbons tied on all the trees in town was a beautiful sight to see.





I have never seen so many trees with so many yellow ribbons.

It was just beautiful.

We made it to Fort Polk and saw the convoy Jerome was with as we pulled in. He told us where he was and that we had to stay in the car and he would come to get us when he was finished.

We were all looking for him. Finally we found him among all the soldiers and convoy trucks.









Once we was finished he came to get us. We all had lots of hugs and kisses for him.

Then he took us to the MRAP that he drives and took the kids into it to show them where he rides and some of the things that he does.





























We all left the base. We went to the hotel, we all took showers and got cleaned up and then went to dinner.

Jerome had to be back at the base that night. He wasn't free to stay with us at the hotel until Friday.

It felt so good to feel like a family again.

To feel home again.

No matter where we are in this world, being together just feels like home.

141. the feeling of being all packed up and starting out on a long journey in the early morning.

142. sleepy kids in the backseat

143. my helper, the navigator, Spencer, who sat up front with me the whole time

144. crossing the Mississippi River and knowing we are closer to Fort Polk with every mile

145. driving through all the farm land in Louisiana will make you thankful for a little gas station alongside the road after miles and miles and farmland

146. the warmth of the sunshine in the South

147. watching the kids enjoy an ice cream from that tiny gas station

148. being asked where we are from, because of our "Northern" accent 

149. glancing over to see Spencer enjoying reading a book during the drive

150. long hair blowing in the wind

151. the sound of the girls hands clapping and rhyming games behind me

152. remembering playing the same games with my sisters

153. arriving in the town near Fort Polk and seeing all of the yellow ribbons

154. the feeling that swells up inside that comes from these yellow ribbons

155. looking at a convoy and trying to find my husband in the middle of it

156. seeing him for the first time

157. the sound of our kids voices yelling "Daddy" out the window

158. being a family again

(I love the words and music in this video below)

The Middle.

I absolutley love this song.

Not because it is a beautiful song.

But because somehow I find inspiration listening to it.

It makes me wake up and realize that even though these days without Jerome here are terribly hard to get through sometimes.

Every

Single

Day

Matters

I know that right now it is hard, but somehow each day I am finding a little bit more strength to make it through another day without him.

It doesn't mean I miss him any less....it just means I am learning how to adapt to these days.




I know soon we will be able to look back, and this deployment, like the last one, and it will be nothing but days past.

We still have to live and smile and enjoy these days in between.....no matter how much we miss him.




This package arrived several days ago in the mail.

I knew what it was before I even opened it.

To be honest.....I didn't open it for two days.

Some things, such as this, remind me that this is it. This is really happening. We are really going through this deployment. And some days, like the two days I let the package sit on the dining room table, it is better to make it through the day without the reminders.

"The Middle"

I get this feeling every year, the first days of winter
Pull out that box of souvenirs, to read your old letters
In that stack of memories, found a note you left for me
It almost feels like you're still here
I hear your voice in every word
You told me to remember

Take each day and make it last
Cause you turn around and the future is the past
Here and now is all we have
The beginning and the end mean so little
What matters most is what's in the middle

Makes me smile when I look back to every summer
You forget your birthday and just laugh; say it's just a number
But Sunday afternoons, they meant so much to you
The simple things were golden, you found beauty in every moment

Take each day and make it last
Cause you turn around and the future is the past
Here and now is all we have
The beginning and the end mean so little
What matters most is what's in the middle

The day you're born is just a start
Your last breath is a question mark
The story of your life is in the in-between

Take each day and make it last
Cause you turn around and the future is the past
Here and now is all we have

Take each day and make it last
Cause you turn around and the future is the past
Here and now is all we have
The beginning and the end mean so little
What matters most is what's in the middle
What's in the middle

 (you can pause the music on this blog at the bottom to listen to this song)

Jerome, when you read this, I want you to know that I can't wait to see you again. And thank you for the surprise phone call this morning....if only I could start out everyday to the sound of your voice. I love you baby.

Long Distance Lullaby.

I miss you Jerome. Stay safe and know that I love you more than you will ever know.

{ our version of the song }

One more deployment

One more night away from you

One more phone call

To say I'll be home soon

I'm just so tired

Of all the distance in between

All I really need is you with me

I miss your voice

I miss your smile

I wish I could give you

A kiss from a thousand miles

Sleep well, my love

Tonight when you close your eyes

Hear my long distance lullaby

Lalalala

Lalalala

Lalalalalalalala

Lalalala

Lalalala

Lalalalalala

I know it's hard when I'm so far away

And these words can only go so far to sing

I miss your voice

I miss your smile

I wish I could give you

A kiss from a thousand miles

Sleep well, my love

Tonight when you close your eyes

Hear my long distance lullaby

Just close your eyes

I'm coming home

You'll hear me sing

I know it's hard

I'm coming home

2 a.m.

It's two o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep.

I lay awake in bed alone, listening to the quiet of the house, looking at the picture of my husband sitting on our dresser and missing him, and realizing just how empty the night feels without him. The only sound coming from our room is the sound of our dog, Molly, snoring away on her cozy bed in the floor.

The past few days have been such a whirlwind. I am exhausted, completely exhausted but it is two in the morning and I can't sleep.

Monday we said our goodbyes at the airport. I don't have any pictures from that day, but I don't need them. I remember all the goodbyes, they keep playing over and over in my head.

I'll never forget seeing Jerome holding both of our girls in his arms and hearing them sobbing telling him they will miss him. I won't forget how he tried to not cry but couldn't hold it back while holding them.

I'll never forget how Spencer stood strong like a grown man,hugging his dad and trying to be brave. I remember seeing him watch his dad leave, walk through a gate knowing that he won't see him for another year.

I remember the excitement I felt when the man at the ticket counter gave me a pass to go through security with Jerome so that I can see him off on his flight. And how that pass in my hand felt like such an amazing gift.

I remember Jerome, with his arms around me giving me a last kiss while the speaker was calling the final boarding call.

I remember watching him walk away.

I remember turning and not wanting to leave. I just wanted to stand there in that moment....just for a minute more. I remember the heaviness I felt in my heart as I walked away, up the stairs and down the long hall, further and further away from the plane that the man I love was sitting in waiting for take off.

I remember as I walked down that long hall how each step felt so very lonely. Each and every step was a reminder to me that I am alone now, that it is all up to me to carry on everything at home. That this day I have been dreading for months has finally made its way into our lives. Each and every step hurt, it hurt to walk away.

I remember trying to hold it together as I walked through the doors to where our family and friends waited. I couldn't hold it. My son, my wonderful son put his arms around me and I cried. My tears were rolling and he was the strength I needed at that moment.

The rest of the day I tried to stay busy but in reality I was just numbing the pain that was tearing at my heart.

That night as I climbed into bed I laid there for a minute looking around at our dark, empty bedroom. Then I rolled over onto his pillow, the smell of his pillow brought all of my emotions to the surface. I cried into his pillow missing him so much.

Then there was a knock at the door. It was Katie, her eyes were filled with tears, she looked at me and said, "Mommy....I miss daddy". I pulled the covers down and she climbed into bed. Then I pulled out the book we had made for them for when they were missing their daddy. She opened the book and her daddy's recorded voice started reading the book "Under The Same Moon" to her. She let him read the book to her three times that night. She snuggled beside me and said, "Mommy, I like that book. It makes me feel like daddy is here".

Tuesday morning we all slept in. I knew our kids needed a day to be able to deal with their emotions before going back to school. The girls were doing good, considering, but Spencer didn't want to get out of bed. He told me he didn't feel good so I let him stay in bed....I thought he was just upset about his dad leaving. Later I told him to get dressed, that I was taking them all to get some lunch and get out of the house to get some fresh air. I thought it would do Spencer some good.

While we were out I realized that he really wasn't feeling good. We quickly came back home and he went back to bed. Jerome called us from Skype later that evening and I had Natalie go wake Spencer up so that he could talk to his dad, hoping that it would cheer him up a bit and make him feel a little better.

He came in and sat down beside me. I could feel the heat from his body just by him sitting close to me, I knew he had to be running a high fever. He talked to Jerome for a minute then bent his head down to type something on the computer and he grabbed the back of his neck in pain. I immediately took his temperature and it was 103.2. Then Jerome said, "Take him to the ER right now" through Skype, he didn't have to tell me, I was already yelling at the girls to grab their shoes. I called my neighbor who knew the instant she answered the phone something was wrong. I felt so bad dropping our girls off at my neighbors in such a rush. Her husband opened the door and I basically said, "Here's my girls, thanks for keeping them on such short notice. Oh and by the way.....here is two cans of soup....I hadn't had a chance to fix dinner yet, I'll call you from the ER and let you know what is going on".

After a long night in the ER (not from waiting though, they took us back immediately)and many tests later including a spinal tap I was told that Spencer had viral meningitis (of which I already knew seeing we just went through this in October with Katie). We were able to go home though, with instructions of quarantine, lots of fluids and plenty of alternating motrin and tylenol. We pulled back into our driveway around two in the morning.

Today has been a struggle for Spencer. He has been in pain but not the extreme pain I saw Katie go through. His fever keeps spiking and he is completely sick of drinking gatorade. I know though in a few days he will feel a bit better.

Friends have asked to keep Natalie and Katie. They know that I don't want either of them to get sick with meningitis. Katie is staying at her friend Sydney's and Natalie at Emily's. I am so very thankful that their moms offered to keep them, in hopes to keep them well. That is a friend, someone to step in and help in a time of need, and I am very thankful for it.

Spencer was able to talk to Jerome this evening on Skype. He was awake long enough to talk to his dad and then fell back asleep.

And so here I am. The first quiet time I have had in these past few days. The first time I have felt like I'm not spinning in a whirlwind. And the first time I have had a moment to feel the feelings I feel about this deployment. Sometimes the quiet isn't wonderful. Sometimes the lack of a whirlwind life isn't wonderful. Sometimes you miss the little bits of life that somedays get overlooked until you don't have them anymore.

But, the end of today just means that we are one day closer to Jerome coming back home. And even though it is past two in the morning, I can't sleep and am missing my husband....I know that I am strong. I know that our kids our strong. I know that their daddy is strong. I know that we can make it through this whether we have whirlwind days or quiet days that go by, each day that we make it through is one day closer to a wonderful homecoming.



When you read this Jerome, know that I am glad that you made it safely to where you are at now, even though I'd rather have you here with us. I love and miss you so much.

~Hope

Holding My Breath.

You know how you feel when you know something you dread is coming and you hold your breath in hopes that it just might pass you by? These days that is how I feel.

The long wait of his deployment day is getting so close that I just want to close my eyes and pretend this isn't happening.

But eventually reality sets in, I exhale, and know that I have to do this whether I want to or not.

This week has been so busy. We have been loading everything that we can into every single day. Jerome is being the wonderful husband he is and making sure everything is squared away at home before he leaves. Yesterday we spent the day together just getting errands ran. Both vehicles needed an oil change. Jerome needed some things to pack before he leaves. We dropped the truck and van off at Walmart to get oil changes, while we were waiting we picked up a few things he needed.

Good sole inserts for his boots since he will be walking four miles in full gear.

Nice, thick socks to wear among other things.

As we were checking out and getting the keys to the truck the cashier held up the shoe insoles and told Jerome that she had some just like these and they were the best fifty bucks she had ever spent on herself. He laughed and said he hopes they will be good. The deployment came up, soles for his boots is where it started. She asked where he was going and he told her. Then she went on to tell us that her son-in-law is mobilizing and is getting ready to go to XX base (name of the base I won't say yet). Jerome laughed and told her it is a small world and that maybe he will see him there.

Then the cashier shook Jerome's hand, thanked him for his service, then reached her hand out to me. She shook my hand and looked at me and said, "How do you get through it?".

That little question took me by surprise. For a second I think I was holding my breath. I smiled, looked at her and said, "You just learn to cope".

Oh how the shake of a hand, a smile and a polite reply to a simple question sometimes feels like a sting.

Deep inside I knew the answer, you do learn to cope but not without great heartache.

There are days that come and go just like any other normal day.

Then there are days that I don't want to cope. That I don't want to go through this again. Days that I can barely eat because of all the built up nerves. Or the nights I can't sleep and just watch the alarm clock move from hour to hour, trying to make myself fall asleep because 6am and getting our kids ready for school comes really early when you haven't had much sleep. Or times when the thought of him leaving seems unbearable to deal with, it takes my breath away and all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. Then eventually I muster up enough strength inside of to make myself cope, I have to.....it is my only choice.

Yesterday evening felt like one of those days.

After we finished checking out we sat quietly in the truck waiting for the van to finish. Jerome knew that I was hurting and pulled me to him and I just cried. He didn't say anything, he knew to just hold me.

He made me smile again and assured me everything was going to be OK and to quit worrying.

Then we came home, I started dinner while he helped Natalie with homework. It felt like it was back to a "normal" day. That was until after dinner. I knew he was in our bedroom going through his stuff, getting his uniform ready for today. But what I didn't know was that he was getting ready to start packing.

I walked into the room and saw the empty trunk sitting there....waiting to be filled with all of his things that he will need for this deployment. The emptiness of the trunk sitting there in front of me just made me stop what I was doing and stand there looking at it. I held my breath because I didn't want to hurt again. I decided to not let it get the better of me and that at that moment I was going to make myself deal with this and so I did. I picked up my camera and started shooting. Not that this is a happy memory that I'll always want to remember, but it is still a memory. A piece of us, a part of our life.

{earlier this week on one of his weekly conference calls with his unit}

I love this picture for what it represents. Jerome is packing, looking at me smiling knowing that this is how I am coping with it at the moment. But still I see in him a man with unwavering strength that is ready to go and do his duty. And behind him is the paper chains that the girls and I made. One for each day that he will be gone (actually a little less is there....we ran out of paper), and every day we will take a chain off to count down the days to his return.





Everything was going fine. We were talking and laughing, I was taking pictures. He went back to Spencer's room only to return to find Katie upset. She didn't know he was packing for his deployment either. He picked her up, she cried on his shoulder and told him how she didn't want him to go. He wiped her tears explained to her that he had to and that the time would go by fast. He started joking with her to get her to cheer up and told her that this time next year he will be here getting after her to clean her room or do her homework. She laughed and started saying things that he will be saying to her next year. He always has a way of making us all feel better about this deployment. He can make our kids laugh when they just want to cry. He can make me forget that we are facing a deployment and to just enjoy all these little moments we are given right now. I love him for that.





When you read this Jerome....know that I am so very thankful to have you as my husband. I love how you remain strong in the middle of all this deployment craziness and how that you have always been the strength that helps us exhale when we just want to hold our breath and hope this deployment won't come our way. I love you with all my heart and soul.

Send Off Party for Jerome and Noah.

Saturday night we had Jerome and Noah's Send Off party. There were many friends and family who came to the party. It was a great night and I know Jerome enjoyed getting together with all of his buddies before getting ready to leave.

I had a table set up with cards for everyone to write a message to Jerome and put in a jar. I will be sending him these cards with packages we will be sending, a few cards at a time throughout his deployment.



I made these jars for each of the tables. The sand represents Afghanistan. Each jar had a different set of pictures, his Chief pinning, his brother Joey pinning his ESWAS pin on him, him and his buddy Aaron on the USS Hayler, his last deployment to Afghanistan, marching in a Memorial Day parade and our kids waving their little American flags and many, many more pictures.



The cake was made by my cousin's wife and turned out beautiful. I had her make it as a service members flag. Natalie and Katie iced the cupcakes I made. Jerome's brother Joey did a wonderful job with the cooking for the party.





His friend Alex gave both Jerome and Noah a wonderful send off toast. It was very well written and spoken. There was a lot of laughter and tears.





Our girls enjoyed dancing with their Daddy.



Jerome loved having all of his family there.



We danced to our song, The Longer The Waiting, by Josh Turner. Jerome started singing to me while we were dancing which made it even more special.



Our dance was cut short because Katie started crying seeing us dancing together. She and Natalie both were crying. She later told me that it made her sad seeing us dancing together because she was going to miss seeing us together when her daddy leaves.



Spencer became emotional once during the party as well. He was crying and Jerome was crying as he was giving him his "be strong, I'll be back in a year" talk.



Our kids went home with friends and Jerome and I made it a long night and enjoyed the rest of the night (morning) with his friends and brother.