When we found out last April that Jerome was going to deploy again I took it pretty hard. The last deployment to Afghanistan he was gone 20 months, which felt like an eternity. I was not looking forward to going through it again. The reality of him being gone set in when he did two weeks in Williamsburg and was gone. It made me remember then what it felt like to be alone again.
I was very anxious and depressed about it and finally after months of battling the emotions within (and putting on quite a few more pounds) I decided to make an appointment with my doctor. She put me on some antidepressant/anxiety medicine to help me through it. I had a reaction to the first set she gave me. Then we tried something new, a different pill....I had a reaction to it and ended up spending the night in the ER with Jerome at my side. After that night I decided I didn't want to be put on any medicine, that I was going to battle this on my own.
I started exercising more and watching what I ate. We still ate out, ate the same things....I just started watching my portion sizes. That little bit helped and gave me a jumpstart to really get started on this journey.
After Jerome left for training my life was nothing but chaotic. It took a while to adjust but we are all learning how to cope with being apart again.
Recently I was able to fly to the base my husband is on for training and see him again. It was wonderful and we enjoyed every minute we had together again.
I knew that I wanted to see him again and for our kids to be able to see him again before he leaves. We are planning a trip to see him soon and we are all excited.
I have used this time to give myself a goal to reach. It all started with working out on the elliptical one morning. Usually I do a program that I found on Pinterest. It is a 20 minute program and I used to do 20 minutes, take a break and switch a load of laundry while the elliptical resets itself and then do another 20 more, then another 20 more minutes.
This day I wanted to try to do all three sets in one session on the elliptical. During that 60 minutes I hit a calorie burn of 1,000 calories and it felt great! So I then set a goal for myself to continue this for the next 14 days to see where this takes me.
I am on day three of my goal today.
The progress I've made since October is amazing to me. It feels great to be on a journey that I have wanted to be on for so long, so many times and have failed.
It isn't always easy but when it starts to get really hard and I want to quit and just do a shorter workout "just for that one day".....I think of my husband.
I think of him and the training he is going through now, the physical training he does every morning and he doesn't have the option to quit. I think of him and it makes me feel stronger.
A song that I love has a few lines that sum up how I feel about him. How he makes me feel when I don't think I can do this anymore....
You give me the strength I need to be the one I want to be,
Cause you're the best of me....cause I got you....
Along with this I have been changing what we eat, slowly so that our kids will adapt. My kids are really good with eating salads, but the dressing.....the dressing we all love is ranch dressing. I wanted to make a healthier version so I decided to try something new.
I was in the kitchen working on making the dressing and Spencer walked in. He saw the ingredients I was using and insisted that he wasn't going to eat it at dinner. So what did I do? I did what any other mom would have done (keep in mind Natalie and Katie didn't know the ingredients yet), I used a clean, empty glass jar from the dressing we usually use. I poured the dressing I had made into this jar. We sat down at the dinner table. The each poured the dressing on their salad, except of course Spencer, and they ate every bit of their salad. The girls even had a second helping of salad and poured their usual amount of dressing on (which is quite a bit). After they finished their salads, I asked them how they liked the dressing. "It was great mommy!", they said. Then I told them what I made it out of and they scrunched their little noses up at it. I reminded them that they didn't do that when they were eating it, and that they liked it and even had seconds of it. They agreed and started laughing at the fact that I had tricked them.
Here is the recipe of the ranch dressing I made for us the other evening....
My goal is to lose the weight I need to while Jerome is deployed.
I am doing this for me, but thinking about the homecoming just gives me a little bit more motivation!
Jerome, when you read this know that you are my strength and encouragement. Also know that when you come home we are going to go ziplining!!