Monday, September 26, 2011

The bond he shares....

{ 2006, a surpise homecoming at Spencer's elementary school }

You can't see him, but Spencer is there in the picture on the left. He was hugging his daddy here so tight and crying, that you couldn't even see him.

Blog Deployment 01

Spencer has been taking the upcoming deployment hard.

He can't sleep at night.

He gets upset when his dad has to work late, because it reminds him of what it will feel like again.

He tells me almost every single practice after I pick him up that he is going to miss getting to tell his dad how his practice went.

He doesn't want to play football next year because his dad won't be there to see him play.

He doesn't have the same appetite.

He cries at night.....and it breaks my heart into a million pieces.

I don't know how to help him. We talk to him, reassure him, comfort him, we do whatever it takes to make him feel OK again, even though I know deep down he is not.

He is hurting inside knowing that Jerome is getting ready to deploy.

He is hurting and I feel like no matter what we do, we can't help him deal with this deployment.

I contacted Military One Source, spoke with someone about getting counseling.

He starts counseling Friday morning.

I hope it helps.

Other than being here for him, talking to him, listening to him, trying to comfort and reassure him.....I don't know what to do.

It is hurting me inside to see him hurting so much.

He was eight years old when Jerome left for his first deployment and ten years old when his daddy returned. I know that it has cost him many missed memories to be made and moments to be shared. I know that he is thinking ahead now of all that Jerome will be missing of his for this deployment (reason in not wanting to wrestle or play football).

He has quite a bit of anxiety over this upcoming deployment.

And I can understand, kind of.

The relationship he shares with his dad is different than the relationship that he shares with me. He has a special bond with Jerome, as any father and son would. They wrestle here at the house together all the time (most of the time here lately Spencer winning), they play football, talk football, go paintballing together with most of Spencer's friends in tow, they talk about everything with each other....I could go on and on.

I know that he is going to need his dad when he is gone. I know that those are shoes that I can't fill.

He has a bond with Jerome that I know he is going to miss when he is away in Afghanistan.

I have been making it a number one priority to get in as many memories as we can before he leaves, so that they will have that to hold on to and look forward to while Jerome is deployed again.

Paintballing was their most recent father son trip. They are planning another one here in a few weeks. I know he enjoys every single minute of time he has with his dad right now.

I just want to do something to make him feel better....but I can't.

I am hoping the counselor will be able to guide and help us more than what we have been able to do.

~Amber Hope
What Matters Most To Me

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